Why Intelligent Men Suck With WomenSep 13, 2011
Most intelligent men are so stuck in their heads because they try to work on a whole bunch of things at once.
They fret, analyse and strategise so much that they drift into their left brain.
They fail miserably with women.
So at the end of a Bootcamp, I tell these intelligent, left-brain guys: "I want you forget everything I taught you this weekend!"
You see, on the last day of a Bootcamp, I give every student a personalised plan that usually consists of one or, at the very most, five items. And these are all I want them to focus on for the next 3 months.
If you are trying to improve your life with women, or improve at anything for that matter, try this principle.
The # 1 problem the majority of my clients face with women is not a lack of looks, height, hair or success. It is a lack of time spent in their right brain. Their creative and emotional brain.
Men spend so much time in their left, logical reasoning brain, trying to figure out what to say and do or what's going on in the woman's mind. Forget about all that! Much of the time she can't figure out what's going on in her own mind either. What possible hope can you have?
Women are not attracted to guys when they are in their left brain.
Women are predominantly emotional creatures. You need to connect with a woman at the emotional level before you can connect with her at the physical level.
So, focus on improving just one thing at a time. Set your objective for the night, or month. Don't think about anything else. And for heaven's sake, do not break down an interaction in a bar with your buddies. You are meant to be out having fun.
And having been a men's Dating Coach since 2006 let me tell you, you will not be getting laid unless you are having fun.
You need to get into your social and creative right brain and stay there. Let your social energy build by keeping out of your left brain. You must stay out of your left brain if you want to succeed with women.
So then, "James' Big Secret for Improving with Women" is to make a short, prioritised list of the most important things you want to work on. I have done this for well over 10 years. It has been close to the biggest single influence on my unbelievable improvement with women. Many of my most successful clients report this also. As an aside, I keep a similar list for yoga, swimming, avoiding time wasting, health and fitness, the "big rocks" in my life and ideas.
This is my actual personal "Seduction" list from the notes application my phone. I used to do this in a notebook.
1. Unflinching eye contact
2. No hesitation
3. Stay focused on listening, not talking, with extremely interesting girls
4. Small "hi's" to strangers and high energy - "hello's" to people I know
5. Hold handshakes, eye contact and goodbye hugs a little to long
For the last couple of years the only thing I have thought about when I am interacting with women I find attractive is my eye contact. The rest of my brain power is focused on the girl in front of me: "What is she feeling? What would that be like for her? Can I imagine that feeling? Oh god, her eyes and lips are beautiful."
Women become attracted to me just because of my eye contact and listening. Devoted attention to what someone is saying is attractive to all human beings, especially so for extremely beautiful girls. They are not used to people listening to anything they say. People are so transfixed by their beauty. No one ever truly listens to them. So if they find a guy who really listens to them they find him very sexy.
I have got so good at one skill, eye contact, that I can stop beautiful girls dead in their tracks just by "laser beaming" them with my eyes. Just yesterday, a girl walking towards me stumbled on the pavement, tripping over her own shoes. She mildly sprained her ankle and nearly toppled right over after the energy of my eyes wandered from her eyes then slowly down her body to her toes and quickly back up to her eyes. Another time, a girl walking quickly, accidentally knocked her iPod five feet away from her after I set my eyes upon her.
I have slept with several girls I met walking down the street, stopping them with my eyes in this fashion. Much more importantly countless women come and talk to me, or hang around obviously waiting for me to talk to them after I "laser beam" them with my eyes. Not that long ago, I would nervously avert eye contact when an attractive girl looked at me.
I have come so far because I focused for so long just this one skill.
The Pareto principal (aka The 80/20 Rule) says that 80% of your results come from 20% of your efforts. This applies to improving your life with women, every bit as much as it does in business or economics. Most of the guys I coach can improve their success with women five fold, if they just eliminate or improve two or three crucial things. The rest really doesn't matter.
Take action. Make your short list right now.
And focus on mastering just one thing at a time.