9 Most Loved Articles for Advice on Women and DatingJul 18, 2013
1. Learn Natural Seduction by Watching a Movie
2. Overcoming Your Fear of Approaching Women
3. 12 New Ideas to Make You More Interesting to Women
4. James’ Favourite ‘Pick Up Guru’ on Approach Anxiety
5. 7 Important Things I’ve Learnt from James about Women by Nathan
6. James’ Quick 11 Step Guide to Flirting
7. This Whole ‘Be a Gentleman Thing’ is Nonsense
8. 12 Things You Must Know About Sex But Probably Don’t: Part One
9. 12 Things You Must Know About Sex But Probably Don’t: Part Two
Happy reading and best of luck...
PS. Here's a link to the PDF if you'd rather print it out and read it old-school style.
Learn Natural Seduction - Watch This Movie
ʻSpreadʼ, starring Aston Kutcher, presents one of the best examples of a natural seducer I have seen on film. For ease of use, I have kept these notes roughly following the chronological order of the movie, rather than attempting to order them into sections or a narrative.
Watching this movie a couple of times whilst referring to these notes is a simple and efficient way to improve your understanding of how to seduce women.
Here are some key points (in bold) and quotes (in italics) from the movie:
The Only Good Pickup Line
‘There is only one pickup line, the rest is just cheese... Hi, whatʼs your name?’
Act playful and crazy while seducing a girl
‘Wind down the windows, crank the music up and make an ass out of yourself, it puts them at ease.’
You might be nervous before having sex with a girl for the first time, but consider things from her point of view.
You are around 60% larger than her and in her mind could potentially rape or even kill her and she has her ʻreputationʼ to worry about. No girl wants to be seen as a ʻslutʼ, particularly if she really likes you.
Add this to her body anxiety; comparing her “human” breasts, legs, bum, skin and face to the surgically enhanced, photoshopped, airbrushed models in Ralph or Vogue, let alone concerns about whether or not she is a good kisser, good in bed... the list goes on.
You must put her at ease. Do this with lots of fun positive energy. I once brought my American professional model ex-girlfriend together with my current girlfriend for a two week holiday. You cannot begin to imagine the amount of nervous energy between the 3 of us the first day or so. So, I carried on like “an eight year old kid on a sugar high” to help calm things down a bit. I was rewarded by sharing my bed with these two naked beauties I adore, day after day.
Main Character Dresses To Be Noticed (in braces and scarves)
Dressing to attract attention is not really my thing (especially scarves in LA weather) but I must admit women really love a well chosen scarf on a man. Iʼve seen braces work well on some stylish guys too.
He Is Friends With Bouncers At A Local Bar
This is obviously great social proof.
He Sees A Hot Girl He Knows In The Bar & Kisses Her Hello
He does not say anything to her. This is cool. He is working the room and communicating on a non-verbal level.
This also sends a strong message to other women in the bar; this guy may have slept with this hot girl, she is looking for more of his attention but he is too busy, preoccupied or not that interested. A women’s interpretation, “He must be awesome. I want him”.
Don’t Give Away Too Much
‘Never show how impressed you are, it lowers your market value.’
This is very good advice with super hot girls, models and daughters of the rich. Itʼs great to be impressed by stuff they have actually worked for, such as skills or talents - not stuff they were born with, like beauty, or born into, like wealth.
A Tip For First Time Sex
‘Give them a good f**ing, but not too good, you have to leave room for the relationship to grow.’
For guys who are already awesome in bed this is very important (certain Advanced Bootcamp graduates take note). If you have real skill in the bedroom you should reveal it slowly. Just like if you own great houses in New York, London, Beverly Hills, Aspen and the Caribbean, you donʼt tell her this when you first meet her. You let her find out over time.
The same goes for sex skills boys! Women correlate amazing sex to true love. The man who gives women their greatest orgasms is usually “the one”, even if his handsomeness, career, financial situation or education is not quite what she’d always dreamt about.
If you give women such overwhelming feelings too early, she will feel a huge imbalance of power in this new relationship and may do irrational, freaky and sometimes scary stuff.
I believe few women, particularly in the rich English speaking countries, have ever had great sex. They can go nuts the first time they get it. And not always in a good way.
Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously
The main character is so playful, spinning women around and being silly. He is always goofing around.
Mr Serious always sleeps alone.
Start An ‘Argument’
‘Say something to piss them off to set up the apology, it makes you look like a sensitive guy.’
I agree with his thinking, but I do not teach nor think it is good karma to be “manufacturing” conflict or arguments. If your aims are purely casual sex and you have the ability to go out and get other girls then this is sound, although not particularly savory advice.
I believe women have 5-10 times the social intelligence of men, so I donʼt know how many guys could pull this off with attractive girls for long. Women tend to know when men are trying to manipulate them. The reason he gets away with it is he has vastly higher level social intelligence than the average guy. He is cool, extremely handsome, great in bed and obviously in high demand with the much older women and LA ʻparty girlsʼ heʼs targeting.
I much prefer Dale Carnegieʼs: when youʼre wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
In our culture a man who can is strong and honest enough to admit straight out he was wrong is very attractive to women.
Offer girls a ʻtourʼ of your place to help close the deal. Always end it in the bedroom.
Call Her Back
‘Always follow up a meaningless f**k with a chatty phone call.’
It is just good manners, good sense and good karma. For many women, to have intercourse with a new man is a big thing emotionally and socially. So even if you donʼt really want to see her again, at least do her the service of a pleasant ʻthanks for last nightʼ call.
Even if you are so completely selfish and donʼt care about others it is just good sense. If you start to get the reputation of treating women badly it will get around.
Imagine you are out at your favorite bar and you see her again. Never forget ‘hell hath no fury as a woman scorned’. Do you want her telling other girls how appallingly you treated her or worse still, exaggerating how ‘hopeless’ you are as a lover or how small a penis you have?
I think you should go out and sleep with as many attractive, interesting girls as you possibly can, but please treat each and every one of them with respect and dignity. Do unto others as you’d have done to you.
Don’t Lie, Don’t React
He never reacts to abuse from women. I donʼt think he ever tries seriously to lie to them.
He takes all the abuse women can throw at him and he never fights back, or even tries to defend himself. If you want to be a man, and have sex with lots of beautiful women you must absorb their abuse. If they really like you a lot much of it will just be womenʼs tests anyway.
In a womanʼs mind, if you canʼt take her abuse, what hope do you ever have of being a great provider and protector to her and her offspring in the big bad world?
The character played by Anne Heche launches a viscous tirade on him about how hopeless and worthless he is, other than his pretty face. He understands women. He knows this abuse is not really about him. She is just venting her anger and hurt that he does not want to be with her, even after how generous and trusting she has been with him.
He hugs women after they spew venom at him. This is a huge point; after Anne Heche’s character has finished screaming herself silly at him and he does not say anything, he merely takes her in his arms and hugs her. This is a real man! Note how one minute later she is running into the kitchen trying to stop him leaving by making him an omelet.
How To Pass Tests
Many of the female characters relentlessly test him. The easiest way I know to pass womenʼs tests is to never try to lie to them and to give them the best sex of their lives.
Women test to find guys’ weaknesses, insecurities and inauthenticities. In simple terms if she thinks you are not completely being yourself she will continue testing until she thinks sheʼs found the real you.
Please note, I am most certainly not endorsing the main character’s morals or lifestyle. I think he is pitiful and probably very unhappy. The cool handsome protagonistʼs whole life revolves around seducing and scamming women, but because of this experience he certainly understands women minds. He knows what women find attractive in a man. He knows precisely how much he can get away with, making him more attractive still.
My goal in life is to equip men, who havenʼt spent all their lives hanging around bars chasing tail, to have this level of skill and understanding of womenʼs minds.
As I say; ‘Getting good with women is a teachable skill...
Being able to meet and seduce the women you want is easy when you know how. It requires a particular set of skills...
If you have these skills, you will be successful. If you donʼt you wonʼt.’
This vacuous rogue can help me, help you.
Overcoming Your Fear Of Approaching Women
Would you go to the gym cold, load 240lbs on the bench press and start pumping away?
I would not. I would do warm up exercises and lighter sets well before I ever dreamed of a lift like that.
I have not done a bootcamp or cold approaches in seven weeks. So why then would I be foolhardy enough to attempt this?
On Friday night I bravely walked in cold, straight up to this pillow lipped brunette. She was part of a big, high energy hen’s night group, far and away the hottest girl in the rowdy bar. She gave me a warm reception, but my tongue quickly tied, my rusty social skills coughed, splattered and keeled over.
I died a horrible, excruciatingly painful death, right in front of my client! I lamely excused myself within 40 seconds. Ouch! The rest of my night in two unfortunately drunken, noisy, high energy bars did not improve. My worst boot camp night ever!
You fool James! Warm up on light weights. Build your energy to get into a social state ﬁrst.
On Saturday day, my client and I started by walking along the street saying ‘hi’ with a big cheesy grin to anyone looking remotely friendly. When I do this warm up exercise well, one quarter of people just ignore me and another quarter look a little concerned as to the current state of my mental health. I ﬁnd as many as half will return my warmth with a smile of their own and I soon start to enjoy myself. I have no agenda or attachment whatsoever; I am merely building ’social energy’ for approaching. I ﬁnd playing with dogs, kids or crazy happy people, as well as dancing (which I usually hate) also help me.
We had some good interactions in the bookstore, starting off with a staff member.
We had dinner with an accomplished stage performer, one of the most extremely social, high energy people I have met in my life.
We started the night saying ‘hi’ to people around us on the streets, as well as the bouncers.
We chatted to two groups of girls at the bar when ordered our ﬁrst drinks.
We chatted to people near us. Yes people, men and women; married, older, larger women, anyone who appeared to be on the on their own or in friendly and approachable groups.
My client and I, mainly my client, then proceeded to successfully approach most of the hottest girls we saw at two large venues. He was warmly accepted every single time! Repeat, he was warmly accepted every single time. He ran out of ﬁngers and lost count of his approaches. I think every interaction went at least ﬁve minutes, several went close to thirty minutes before I hurried him along. He spent his entire night talking to girls.
By 11.00pm he was performing logistically difﬁcult approaches of hot girls that required extreme levels of energy, courage and charisma.
In my client’s own words:
‘We did approaches in bookshops, pubs, clubs; absolutely everywhere…
I was so certain that I couldn’t fail (and I didn’t). It was truly amazing.
Before meeting James I actually didn’t think that I would be able to get over my anxieties with women. Something I was desperate to do, but honestly I had no idea how to get started.’
Work out what it is you need to do to manage your state and warm up your social muscles, just like you warm up at the gym.
Stop complaining about approach anxiety, nearly all of us get it, some of us just decide to manage it better than others.
12 New Ideas To Make You More Interesting & Attractive To Women
Do you sometimes think you are just not attractive or interesting enough for the women you want in your life? Is this why you sometimes suffer from fears and anxieties about talking to, meeting and interacting women, or worse, you hide behind someone else’s routines?
Why not do something about it?
Please don’t spend too much of your precious life in front of your big screen TV watching other people pretending to live. Try to stop hiding the real you behind drugs or alcohol when you do venture out.
Go out into the real world and do something to make you a more interesting, attractive and desirable person.
Especially outside of the developed countries. I mean travel, not just sightseeing, relaxing or partying. Try to do more than just go a beautiful beach, hotel, bus tour or ski-ﬁelds and get drunk, but that is probably way better than nothing. Travel opens up your mind like nothing else I know about. How often do you meet a well traveled person who is racist or homophobic, intolerant or hateful of other human beings or their cultures? How often do you meet a well traveled person who is just plain stupid? I don’t think I ever have. I’d suggest one year of real international travel will develop you more as a human being than any four year university degree I can name.
Travel by yourself, it can be tough at ﬁrst, but it will build your social skills faster and stronger, than anything else, except may be one of my Bootcamps:) Oh and please, whatever you do in this life, do not kick the bucket until you have savored a Latino, a Nordic and an Eastern European girlfriend.
2. Read Books
Literature, philosophy, modern best sellers and prize winners or biographies of people you admire. Sample the classics. Try some new age authors with spiritual undertones. Look at a list of the most popular books as voted by general readers, you don’t need to start with James Joyce. Ask beautiful, interesting girls what authors they enjoy reading, they will love to tell it if your are genuinely interested in books. A part of my understanding of women comes from books given to me or recommended by women.
3. Massage Training
Many women will ﬁnd a nice candlelit oil massage from you more romantic than the most expensive restaurant in town and she’s pretty dam near naked and longing for more of your touch at the end. The use of massage techniques are the most powerful escalation techniques I know, but NEVER EVER give her a massage expecting a direct trade for something else. She’ll feel manipulated and you’ll feel needy. Massage her because you like her and enjoy making her happy. The good stuff come without you pushing hard for it. Massage also builds a wonderful, relaxed, calm and giving atmosphere. You will feel more loving and she will be far more warm and responsive. If you happen to be overly nervous about ﬁrst time intimacy or dealing with any “male performance issues”, starting with a loving massage will make things far easier for both of you. Don’t forget to ask for one back sometime.
4. Go and Make the World a Better Place in Your Own Small Way
Do charity work, volunteer work, help someone less well off than yourself, start really listening to people, dream up some way to make your friend’s life better, start looking for genuine compliments you can give to people, coach or help out with a kid’s sports team, go keep old, lonely or sick people company for a few hours.
Be nice and ﬂirt socially with a woman you wouldn’t ordinarily consider attractive, chat for ﬁve minutes of your day to that friendly, possibly very lonely, old man you would normally consider a nuisance in your young healthy life. Use these as tests for your new found conversational skills; see how quickly you can make her smile and see how quickly you can make the old guy interesting to you.
I once spent a whole month doing nothing but yoga and reading. I was deep in nature, eating wonderful vegetarian food. I felt better than I have ever felt in my life. I lived a month, but became ﬁve years younger. Yoga will make you a healthier, friendlier, more vibrant and spiritual person, as well as a far better lover. And yes, you can ﬁnd yoga classes that contain the hottest girls you can imagine, but don’t go there to try to pick them up. They know and think you are just another insincere, needy looser coming to yoga trying to pick up hot girls, very unattractive. Just be social and friendly with everyone after the class. When a socially appropriate time comes, warmly introduce yourself.
Tango, Salsa, Swing. I have only done this a couple of times, but I believe it can do wonders, particularly for analytical/intellectual types like me trying to get out of our heads, any more of you reading this? These two types of dancing in particular get in touch with your kinesthetic, primal or sensual side. The best club and bar guy I have ever seen or even heard about in the dating industry, is an accomplished dancer, who reputably can seal the deal with smoldering eye contact before approach, raw physicality and less than a dozen words. Still, many guys, reading this stuff are so obsessed with exactly what they say and when they say it. Ahhhhhhhhh! It is how you touch, move, look at and listen to a woman that matters. Again, don’t go there to just to meet hot women. They know. They can smell it when you enter the room.
7. Take Classes
What do you enjoy doing? What would you like to learn? Make a list today, plan to take a new class every six months for the next two years; painting, crafts, writing, photography, journalism, comparative religion, science, philosophy, investing, graphic design, history, public speaking, cooking, Tao sensual massage.
8. A New Sport or Hobby
Basketball, tennis, horse riding, volleyball, bushwalking, mountain climbing, sailing, skiing, surﬁng, windsurﬁng etc. Get out, get active, get competitive, get into nature, they will all reinvigorate you and make you more sexy and attractive.
9. Get Fit
Running, gym, bike riding, swimming, triathlons, sport. Virtually nothing is sexier than a really ﬁt person who glows and vibrates health.
10. Read Erotica Written By Women
What is going on in a woman’s mind when she is enjoying intimacy? What does she want? What is she feeling? The average English speaking guy would be astounded and shocked to his very core if he had any idea what fantasies and desires are in most normal woman’s minds.
Women are NOT asexual beings who just want ﬂowers, dinners, dates and drinks. If they are around you, then you are probably doing a few things wrong. I have no evidence at hand to back it up but I’m certain that on average, most ﬁt and healthy women out of their teens are far more sexual beings than men, particularly if they happen to ﬁnd a guy who actually has some idea what is going on in their mind.
11. Do Something Tough and Masculine
Any football or rugby will be great, but especially consider boxing or a martial art. Sure if you want to become a lethal weapon and risk a broken nose on day two you will be able to sign up for that, but these days it should not be hard to ﬁnd “white collar”, “beginners” or “ﬁtness focused” classes to get a small taste of the rough stuff. I cannot prove it, but I believe just a little bit of time on a bag or in the ring, brings a lot of raw masculinity girls will really sense. This is very powerful if you are one of the many guys who spends your day’s shoving a mouse around your desk and lifting a phone.
12. Join a Club
Political, chess, running, environmental, book, ﬁlm, debating, social, travel, public speaking, follow your passions and meet and befriend like minded people.
Go out and do something!
The more you embrace life, the more life embraces you.
Make your life better by making someone else’s life better.
The more interesting and attractive you make yourself, the more interesting and attractive you become to all people, including the sweet, beautiful women of our world.
James Favourite ‘Pick Up Guru’ on Approach Anxiety
Who would be the hardest man on the planet for a woman to “blow out”? By that I mean, reject a person who comes up and attempts to start a cold conversation.
I reckon the late, great Steve Irwin... The Crocodile Hunter.
Yes, I am serious!
Just try to imagine politely getting rid of a guy with that much energy and enthusiasm.
Now consider 90% of men I coach cannot consistently manage and elevate their energy levels. Make that 98% of white collar guys stuck sitting in front of a computer. They will not be successful at starting conversations with women, much less dating, seducing or helping them out of their clothes for the first time, until they can manage their energy or state. Energy is the most important factor in making powerful, confident first impressions.
Steve Irwin has helped so many of my students. I studied acting. It helped me grow as a man in many ways, especially in socialising and improving my confidence with women. As an exercise I encourage my students to visualise and feel Steve Irwin’s freakish levels energy and passion within themselves before approaching a woman. Just the same way an actor would prepare for a scene. This helps produce stronger approaches–a far more confident and energetic ladies man.
My clients, like me, are often hard core analytical creatures. Getting them way out of left brain thinking and bringing energy levels up is essential to their success with women. If my students run into approach anxiety, feel down or I need to lift my energy rapidly to go out and lead a Bootcamp in a noisy, crowded bar I often turn to Steve. No girl has ever rejected me when my “Inner Steve” is switched on.
Steve Irwin’s incredible energy came because had just one purpose on this earth–to be what he called a “Wildlife Warrior”. He did not waste his precious time and energy thinking about much else in life (apart from his family, of course). He spent a lot of time deep in nature. His energy was not constantly depleted by living in a city surrounded by busy roads, TV’s, advertising, sterile buildings and toxic people. I believe his remarkable energy came exclusively from his absolute focus in life and from Mother Nature.
I’ve heard stories of Steve Irwin completely taking over a room filled with the most famous celebrities on Planet Earth. These A-Listers themselves volunteered that they are usually the centre of attention but with him in the room it was like no one even noticed they were there. I once saw Steve Irwin interviewed on a talk show. In the green room sat actress Jennifer Love Hewitt. On stage, the host asked Irwin, ‘So, Steve what did you think of Jennifer?’. Steves face lit up and he let out an enthusiastic, ‘Ohh, she’s beauu-tiful’. It came straight from his soul. And then the screen switched to her. Hewitt's face erupted. She smiled and blushed. She could not speak. She struggled to breathe. Her heart stopped. She choked with joy. Tears instantly filled her eyes.
I have never seen a woman so ecstatic, so flattered and made to feel so feminine (well, at least outside the bedroom). She may have been be a famous actress, singer and international sex symbol but I bet no one has ever complimented her like that. I doubt anyone else ever will. This sits alongside a Michael Jordan baseline dunk on Patrick Ewing as the most remarkable moment of television I can presently recall.
So the next time you are at a bar stuck in your head or feeling too low on energy to start conversations, find a beautiful girl you would like to meet. Look at her, appreciate her beauty for five seconds and repeat to yourself, “Crii-cky! She’s a beauu-ty!”. Ask yourself what sort of energy, enthusiasm and commitment Steve Irwin would bring to starting a conversation with this strange woman. Then walk over and shake her hand. Politely introduce yourself by name, smile and hold her eye contact a moment too long. If you can truly find your “Inner Steve” women will have a far more difficult task to “blow you out”. And best of all, girls will mistake your new found energy for the single most attractive quality a man can possess. Confidence.
7 Important Things I’ve Learnt from James about Women by Nathan
Introduction by James:
Sometimes my clients express my teachings better than I can.
One of my most successful clients, Mitch, has gone from a 19 year old hard core geek, who was scared of strangers (he was repeatedly nauseous on his bootcamp) to an international heart breaker in less than a year!
The pictures of the girls he has been with are beyond belief. Handsome, athletic professional guys in their late 20’s looked dumbfounded when I asked Mitch to show them. His glamour girls all have great CV’s to boot.
If you are serious about improving your life with women in 2010, don’t just read this once.
Socialising was never one of my strong points. People liked me when they got to know me, but around new people I was shy and very reserved. In June 2008 I decided this was an area I wanted to improve upon so employed a social coach, James, to show me how to communicate and build rapport with others.
One of the areas we focused on was how to interact with girls in a more seductive sense which could lead to romantic relationships. Since meeting this wise man my romantic life has improved dramatically. I’ve dated an American model, a lawyer and a girl studying 3 degrees with a Sundance shortlisted ﬁlm.
Throughout this journey I realised that women are far more socially acute than men, picking up on small nuances and intuitive feelings a man wouldn’t notice or give much interest to. These simple concepts are very powerful yet often overlooked or underrated by males.
1. Strong Eye Contact
There is no better way to display masculinity and create sexual energy and tension than to hold a woman’s gaze throughout conversation. Linger there for just a little too long. Not only will the sexual energy go through the roof but eye contact allows for a more genuine, open connection and adds a layer of communication through expressions.
2. Increased Touching
The next time you’re at a coffee shop or bar watch what girls do with their hands during conversation. They’re constantly touching each other. Just like eye contact it supplements dialogue. So when you’re talking to a girl don’t be scared to touch, you’ll be surprised how normal they ﬁnd this if you start small and increase it as the conversation progresses. Lightly touch her shoulder when you greet her, lean in and softly hold her arm when she says something which catches your curiosity. If she seems interested in you and the interaction gets a more sexual feel you can leave your hand in more sensitive areas like the lower back. If you’re not used to touching it may seem weird to you in the beginning but that’s ok, you’ll become comfortable with it in time and soon enough be running your hand up and down her thigh like a natural.
3. Good Energy
Do you remember a time when you were lively and exuding happiness? When conversation seemed to ﬂow effortlessly and everyone was having a good time? That’s good energy. Girls feed off this energy and love being around people who have it. Conversely if you have low or bad energy you can drag a girls energy down with you. So next time you meet new people have a big, welcoming smile and be as warm as you can. Obviously you have to be aware not to overdo it or it can come off weird and fake, but more often than not a guy’s energy is too low than too high, so unless you’re running around laughing hysterically with a broom between your legs at the next BBQ you’ll be ﬁne.
This may seem controversial, but if a woman is interested in you she will want you to lead the conversation. This means moving the conversation forwards, being the ﬁrst one to escalate the physical touching, setting up the date. Later on in the interaction the girl will help you out, especially if she’s very interested in you, but in the beginning you need to display that you’re a strong man and that’s by leading. Women don’t like feeling like they have to do all the work and unfortunately may feel slutty if they end up having to, so leading removes those pressures.
5. Be Interesting
Not only is living an interesting life important for your wellbeing and happiness, it gives you more to talk about and makes you more attractive to the opposite sex. You have to remember those interesting experiences, so it may help to answer questions such as:
- Favourite books and movies
- What interesting things have I done this week/month?
- What am I passionate about?
Often times I hear interesting guys engaged in very boring conversations as they are nervous and their mind goes blank so it’s important to do exercises like that. Also you don’t just talk about interesting things to show how interesting you are, girls can see right through that. It’s more so to connect, when she talks about her experiences running on the beach you could bring up how exhausting yet enlightening yoga is for you.
6. Be Interested
Listen, really listen. Don’t think about what to say next just be in the moment, giving her your full attention and awareness. If she says something interesting then convey your curiosity. If you don’t know what something means then ask her. If you want to know more, let her know. Showing her genuine interest makes the connection stronger and allows the conversation to ﬂow a lot easier. Noticed I said genuine, just like everything you can’t pretend to be interested in something she says. ‘Ohhh, you like shopping! How interesting! Tell me more!’. Yeah, you’re not fooling anyone.
Being honest and open is so important. I’ve said this many times throughout but women are so much better than this stuff than us, massively more acute and aware, so they know. You don’t need to sell yourself and show how good you are. Even if you have a lot going for you this can backﬁre as girls can often think “well he’s obviously not ok with himself so how can I?” Be ok with yourself, be humble, sometimes mention your ﬂaws or make a joke about your girly hands or how you tripped over walking into the venue. A man who accepts himself and portrays that is more attractive to most women then an expensive watch or nice suit.
James’ Quick 11 Step Guide to Flirting
It’s easy to get nervous and tongue tied when you suddenly ﬁnd yourself in front of a beautiful woman. Just remember to follow most of these steps and you should be able to project a calm conﬁdent demeanor. You might even get a bit lucky!
1. Hold eye contact a higher percentage of the time than you
2. Position your body and direct your energy towards her.
3. Use open, friendly and welcoming body language -hands by
your sides and open palms.
5. Project lots of fun, warm friendly energy. Imagine you’re a
golden retriever at a BBQ.
6. Light social touching in non threatening areas like shoulders or forearms.
7. When your conversation is comfortable and they appear to be enjoying themselves, offer a sincere, personal, non-sexual compliment. Perhaps on their intelligence, nice energy, style, grace or how interesting or funny they are. Note any personal similarities between you.
8. Hold eye contact for 5+ seconds in a friendly, non threatening manner. Now, evaluate their feedback;
- Do they hold eye your contact?
- Do they keep their body position and body language open?
- Do they keep smiling?
- Is your light touching welcome?
- Does she touch you back?
- Do they welcome your compliment?
- Do they say something nice in return?
- Is there a change in their body language; posture improved, playing or ﬂicking hair, head tilts, grooming, pupils dilating?
Keep in mind some people are more open and outgoing than others. Also consider the situation; someone might really like you but not want to show this much at their work.
If you can tick off a few of the above, try to;
9. Increase the percentage of time you hold eye contact
10. Increase the frequency and duration of your touching
11. Hold direct eye contact without talking for 8+ seconds, slowly drop your eyes down to their lips or neck then back up to their eyes. Smile and hold their gaze some more.
At this point there should be an explosion of sexual tension!
If so, congratulations! This person is welcoming your advances.
This Whole ‘Be a Gentleman Thing’ is Nonsense
'Will he respect me in the morning?', women often consider on dates.
The next time you’re on a date and she’s having lots of fun, ask yourself;
'Will she respect me in a relationship if I don’t take action right now to try to sleep with her tonight?'
Conventional dating wisdom suggests a 'gentleman' will happily take a lady on 3 or 4 dates prior to having sex.
Sure, most women do not want to be used just for sex. They deﬁnitely want to feel like they know a guy and he appreciates them as a person before being pressured into the bedroom.
However, if she sees you are prepared to patiently wait for sex on her terms you’re likely sowing seeds for a difﬁcult relationship. One where she wears the pants, not you.
The crucial point is that all women dream of being swept off their feet by a strong, conﬁdent man.
They want a man who knows what he wants in his life and takes action to go out and get it. This includes women.
They’re not after some pathetic wuss who is nervous when meeting her, takes her on candlelit dinners, buys her gifts and compliments her endlessly. She knows he does this hoping the 'Law of Reciprocity' kicks in and she offers up some sexual favors in return for all his neediness. Whoops, I meant 'niceness'. This is not attractive!
People are generally good but most will eventually take advantage of any major power imbalance in a relationship; employers, countries, the rich and powerful and attractive women. How many bosses happily will pay a young, bright hard worker just $50,000 pa when he knows that person deserves at least $100,000 for their efforts. It doesn’t necessarily make them bad, it’s just human nature.
This is especially true with beautiful women. Their 'social intuition' advantage over us dimwitted men is staggering (which I'll discuss soon in this series).
An attractive woman can effortlessly wrap men around her little ﬁnger. And most guys will have no clue. They have been practicing on Mummy and Daddy since they were toddlers.
Indeed, she is constantly testing for what sort of a man you are. If you don’t have the skills and courage to sleep with her quickly, you might become her doormat or her meal ticket in a relationship, or worse marriage. This is the fate that befalls so many men today.
If you want happiness and great relationships with women, be prepared to fearlessly and unapologetically go after exactly what you want.
When it comes to waiting patiently for sex, this whole 'be a gentleman thing' is nonsense.
12 Things You Must Know About Sex But Probably Don’t: Part One
Do you have any problems dating, seducing or approaching women?
Many smart, interesting and attractive guys say they run out of conversation and start to act weird when talking to girls they ﬁnd really attractive. Interestingly these guys can effortlessly transﬁx and charm the pants of lots of girls they are not really that into.
Their real problem is that their subconscious mind knows they are not conﬁdent in their ability to pleasure a woman in the bedroom.
So they self-sabotage.
Every @#$%^& time.
This is the pitiful story of the ﬁrst 31 years of my life. Please don’t repeat my mistakes.
First ﬁnd girls you can seduce and whose company you enjoy. Then learn to give them the best sex of their lives.
After that you can focus scoring on that 20 year old bi-sexual French-Swedish supermodel, Harvard PhD, pro tennis player, concert violinist, whose Dad is a billionaire ﬁlm director and whose two passions in life are having sex with you and her supermodel model gal pals and the volunteer work she does with sick children and orphans in her spare time.
1. Pillow under her lower back
“More pleasure for her. Way easier for you.”
If a woman is laying ﬂat on her back and you are nervous, tired and your manhood not 100% ﬁlled with blood, it can be tricky to successfully enter her. Placing a pillow under the small of her back brings her “passage” to an angle that runs parallel to the bed. This makes it vastly for easier to enter, even if you are only partially erect. Many women actually love the feeling of you getting harder inside them as you thrust.
Also, most women will gain more pleasure from sex with their pelvis tilted at this angle.
This advice is for the advanced guys as well. I’m 39. It’s tough to come out with a raging boner after going for 3 straight hours, unless of course I’m already inside of her. As you know it’s much easier to grow in there!
I enjoy a sex session that lasts over 3 hours pretty much every week. I’ve had threesomes where I’ve topped the 5 hour mark. This is all thanks to this one little trick! I would have never have gotten over the extreme initial nervous energy with some of the great threesomes partners of my life, without this knowledge.
I think this is one of the great pieces of sex advice you’ll ever get.
I would have lost my virginity way earlier had someone shared this little nugget with me. It can be exceptionally tricky for a virgin or sexually inexperienced guy to deal with the nervousness, condoms, logistics, getting her undressed, not knowing what to do and maintaining a decent erection without ejaculating. Believe me, I know. Using a pillow will make that crucial ﬁrst penetration so much easier.
For sex go with a ﬁrm latex pillow. Feather or polyester ﬁll pillows aren’t ideal as they will lose their shape over time. I personally invested $150 in a pillow designed for sex. Money very well spent.
“Bad lighting is the bedroom equivalent of bad breath.”
Sorry buster it just ain’t going to happen. I’d guess more guys have screwed up a “sure thing” with her already in the bedroom because of poor lighting that anything else.
This is so easy to ﬁx, please don’t make the mistake I have many times.
Firstly, never try to sleep with a woman with ﬂuorescent overhead lighting. It’s a near certain deal breaker. Any overhead lighting is not doing you many favors although if you have a dimmer you may get just away with it.
Candlelight is almost certainly the best, but for ﬁrst time sex it can look like you’ve gone to a fair bit of trouble. It’s perhaps projecting a lot of sexual intent on a ﬁrst date, possibly before she’s decided to go through with sleeping with you.
The best bet is usually a bedside lamp, or two, with a nice frosted bulb. Don’t be scared to discreetly dim the lights as things start to get hotter.
I traveled for many years and often had to “make do” with whatever the place I was staying at could provide. Sometimes if things happen quickly the best you can do is turn off the lights in your room and let some light come in through a partially open door. I had sex for the ﬁrst time with one of the hottest girls I’ve seen with the lights off and her small torch pointed to the ceiling.
You can also turn a horrible study light into something romantic with the right scarf or a thin t-shirt. However, if you’re as absent minded as me be sure to keep you’re sense of smell engaged and the number for the local ﬁre department handy.
As rule of thumb a really attractive girl is generally going to want the place half as bright as you. That’s assuming she’s got a bikini ready body and really nice skin. Anyone less than that you better go much darker if you’re looking for some action.
3. Save most you’re physical compliments for the bedroom
“Flatter a beautiful woman when she needs it most.”
Most guys give physical compliments to beautiful women when they want to talk to them, or ask them out on a date. But, a really beautiful woman (who spent hours selecting her outﬁt and doing her hair and make-up) knows she’s beautiful. And she’s heard it before. Often from boring “nice guys”. So, you’re not advancing your agenda here a great deal.
With beautiful women, save most of your physical compliments for when she’s naked, particularly so the ﬁrst time. It’s here she needs your encouragement and positive feedback desperately. They need to know you like what you see and you are enjoying being with them. Most girls will be frantically comparing what they’ve got against the countless perfectly airbrushed, surgically enhanced images they see (and know you see) constantly in magazines, billboard and on TV.
I’ve dated a professional model who felt hideously insecure when a guy she liked saw her naked for the ﬁrst time, despite having an amazing body. She seriously thought that a guy might refuse to sleep with her because her body was not attractive enough. Inconceivable in her case. If a professional model thinks like this, what hope does a regular cute girls self esteem have these days?
I personally recommend you throw genuine gushing praise on any girls who look and feel great naked, but don’t necessarily have the super slim “model body” that is so coveted in the media today. I’d also lay it on thick with girls who have nicely shaped, ﬁrm breasts that are of average or below average size.
A top male model friend of mine once commented that a girl I was dating had the 2nd best body he’d seen in his entire life. Her body was perfect, completely ﬂawless, a 1 in 1,000. She also had absolutely perfect, large A or small B cup breasts. But standing at 5’11 she looked fairly small chested in any outﬁt that wasn’t completely ﬁgure hugging. I can’t imagine how many times she would have heard “she’d have the best body on earth, if only she had slightly bigger tits!”.
Her breast size actually grew considerably during intercourse. I heaped praise on them, telling her how ﬁrm and perfect they were and how much they turned me on. Our sexual energy, her libido and sensuality skyrocketed. I think those were the sweetest words she’d ever heard spoken in English.
Whatever your girl looks like, pick a couple of her assets and say some nice things about them during foreplay and in the throes of passion.
12 Things You Must Know About Sex But Probably Don’t: Part Two
A woman can reach orgasm in almost any conceivable position, but this may require high skill levels. You’ll also need a good understanding a woman’s body and angles, not to mention the effects you are achieving. On top of this you’ll need to be sensitive to woman’s sexual and emotional responses.
Don’t forget women are remarkably complicated creatures. Every single woman is different. Each woman wants and enjoys different things. And each of these things can change from week to week.
I recommend guys who are not completely conﬁdent in the bedroom focus on 3 positions to give women orgasms. These are missionary with her legs on your shoulders, doggy style or when she is on top and in control herself.
On my Advanced Bootcamp I actually demonstrate these 3 positions with one of my female trainers on a bed (clothed!). I go into extreme detail as to what I’m doing and why, plus answer your questions. I give you incredibly powerful skills, insights and distinctions for each position.
Then, you get to hear directly from a super cute girl exactly how my sexual techniques make women feel and why they work so well.
This highly practical training has turned students who were hopeless with women into model bonking, threesome-ing, hard core studs less than a year later. This live training is 100 times more powerful than anything I can say with the written word. But, hey, lets give it a try...
4. Legs On Shoulders in missionary: Skill Level 8 - Results 10
- Best for romantic intimacy as well as powerful orgasms for her
- Great for the guys concerned about small penis size
- Has produced the greatest spiritual sex moments of my life
This position enables deep penetration and allows kissing, strong eye contact and physical closeness, while targeting her coveted g-spot. It’s the Rolls Royce of sexual positions! You can even stimulate her clitoris at the same time once you really know what you are doing.
When matched with what some of my Advanced Bootcamp graduates have called “the Greatest Sex Technique of All Time” you can give women the most extreme, transcendental orgasms. Powerful beyond anything you can imagine.
It was using this position I truly began to understand life, love and spirituality at age 32. That was the day I saw the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, burst out crying uncontrollably. The orgasm I gave her was so powerful, it was like she literally exploded with pleasure and emotion. Tears streamed from her eyes as if from garden hoses. The skin on her face turned from olive to bright sunburned red and spread like ﬂowing liquid mercury down past her breasts. This goddess, who was also the sweetest and most enlightened woman I’d ever known, was in actually love with me (and I with her) soon after.
You’ll need to start this one off slow and gentle. This is a vulnerable position for women. It can be very uncomfortable for her to begin with. Warm her up with regular missionary position before you lift her legs over your shoulders. Some girls will resist, others may hold you back to control the depth of your thrusts. Some less experienced women will report a feeling very similar to needing to urinate and may want you to stop.
If she is hesitant take it extra slow and let her control your hips and penetration. If she is just not into it at all switch to something else and try again later.
For guys concerned about their penis size this is an excellent position to master as it offers deep penetration. A guy with just an average sized penis can ﬁnd he is hitting the back of many girls.
To get the maximum beneﬁts of this position your girl will need to be ﬂexible (yogis do it better!). You need to be ﬁt and strong. The ﬁrm pillow, mentioned in Part 1, will be your close friend here.
For more Advanced Guys, lucky enough another woman with you; tie your girls hands behind her, lay her on her back, then have your third party work her clitoris, kiss her lips, neck and roll her nipples with ﬁngernails. Let long soft hair caress over your girl’s neck, face and chest while you piston in and out of your lady with her legs on your shoulders. Life, for many girls, does not get any better than this. It ain’t too bad for you either. Mirrors are highly recommended here.
5. Doggy: Skill Level 5 - Results 5
- Low skill level required yet delivers easy and powerful orgasms
- Dominant position; she’ll feel feminine & feel you to be masculine
- Suffers from a distinct lack of intimacy
Doggy style is another excellent position for stimulating her g-spot. It’s possibly the easiest active position for an inexperienced guy to give a girl great orgasms. However, it suffers greatly due to a distinct lack of intimacy as it usually involves minimal eye contact, physical closeness or kissing. I would not recommend this as the ‘main event’ with a girl you really like. Mix it with more face to face positions.
Before you start you need to be sure she is sufﬁciently aroused as the deeper and more stimulating g-spot sensation can often be annoying before it is pleasurable. It is especially important to ﬁnd and maintain a steady thrusting rhythm she enjoys as there is little feedback from eye contact. It also is difﬁcult for her to control or moderate your thrusting.
Doggy can get tiring for you kneeling on the bed. Try kneeling her on the edge of the bed while you thrust standing up. I usually throw on sport shoes, sandals or ﬂip ﬂops for extra grip on carpet. And yeah, I sure do look ridiculous in the mirror but the results are well worth it.
This can be an excellent way to keep going in doggy for 30 minutes or more at a time without getting tired. That’s long enough to give many women an orgasm or two that requires minimal skill level from you compared to most other positions.
More Advanced Guys should try doggy style with her laying ﬂat on the bed. You might tie her hands behind her back with a silk scarf. In this position it’s great to press fairly hard with the heal of your hand into her upper, mid and especially lower back muscles - Thai massage style - while thrusting. She might also enjoy you grabbing a handful of her hair (gently at ﬁrst!) at the nape of her neck.
With all doggy variations don’t forget to play with her breasts, clitoris, stroke her body and kiss her neck whenever you can.
6. Her On Top: Skill Level 2 - Results - 8
- Great for her climax, a good show and little skill required for you
- Requires decent ejaculation control and some staying power
- Best PC muscle workout ever
Most women report that being on top is usually the best position for them to orgasm. She can take complete control of speed, rhythm, depth and angle.
Telling guys to encourage her to get on top seems like a bit of a no brainer. But so many guys who you’d think would know about this stuff have no clue.
If you’ve got a hot girl on top of you try hard to keep her there. Women in our consumer society can be extremely insecure about everything when it comes to their bodies and sex. Believe it or not, some times the most beautiful women are the most insecure.
It is your job as a man to lead and keep her feeling desired and sexy. Play with her breasts, caress her legs, stomach and her thighs. Hold her hands or rest your hands on her hips as she thrusts. Whatever you do don’t lie still and say nothing like a dead ﬁsh.
Most importantly give her lots of eye contact and verbal encouragement. Tell her how great she looks. Be speciﬁc; breasts, stomach, lips, eyes etc. If she has a body she’d be proud of in a swimsuit, stick a mirror in front of her. Contrary to popular opinion most girls (with a decent body) like to watch every bit as much as men.
Give her plenty of feedback about how going it is for you. Tell her which positions and angles you enjoy the most. Don’t be afraid to make some noise. She’ll really appreciate this and will then want to spend much more time riding you.
For the Advanced Guys; if you have strong PC muscles ‘Her On Top’ is the time to show it off. You’ll get the ultimate PC workout at the same time. Tense your PC muscles and hold for as long as you can. Then contract as hard as you can for a second or two, then relax completely. Repeat. Many girls will love the feeling of you jerking around inside while they’re riding you. I sometimes hold my PC muscle for minutes at a time. As a result, ‘Her On Top’ is the only PC exercise I’ve done in 7 years.
Try different things to change the angle of your pelvis and therefore the angle of your erect penis for her. You can put your hands under your bum or use the ﬁrm pillow from Part 1. Try chairs, couches and gym equipment. Exercise balls can be fun and a great muscle workout to boot.
And one huge tip - the back seat of your car is a woman's ‘Her On Top’ wet dream.
Car sex is not just for teenagers!